femifist

Today I heard an interesting take on homosexuality and the Bible.  An older, religious, gay, man,that I know, explained it like this:  During biblical times, humans were so underpopulated that homosexual acts were considered a form of contraception, in other words, wasting of the seed.  Homosexuality was never considered a “sin”, it was just discouraged during a time when the Jewish population could have been totally wiped out if no one was reproducing.  Because the world is now overpopulated, homosexuality is becoming more accepted and homosexual acts legalized.

I had never heard this view point before, but it does make sense.  If I were a believer in God, I do believe that I would adopt this angle as my own.  We are all aware that there is scientific evidence that being gay is NOT a choice.  Gay people and straight people have varying levels of estrogen and testosterone making “gayness” completely biological.  So, if you believe in God why can’t you believe that God made gay people too?  Unless of course, you feel that you made a conscious choice to be straight….that would certainly open up a whole new can of worms.

The word “homosexuality” wasn’t even coined until the 19th century, so why is it found in translations of the Bible?

What are your thoughts?  Why all the hatred and discrimination?

I went to Dyke night at Machine in Boston, on Boyleston, last night.  I have to say, that really was not my scene.  The admission was decent,  only $8, but I bought a flat Diet Coke for $4!!!!  The staff was very friendly and entertaining.  The music was pretty terrible.  Remixes of lame pop songs and mainstream hip-hop and r & b.  As an added bonus, someone kept farting right next to me all night.  They have a coat check which I did not take advantage of because there was a very long line, but it’s pretty awesome that they have one.

I have to acknowledge though that my close friend had an awesome time.  I’ve never been a club girl and now that I don’t drink anymore, I’m REALLY not a club girl.  If you drink and like to dance to this type of music, you probably would like dyke night.

So it’s the holiday season again.  Are you wondering what to get your sweetie for Christmas?  If she’s anything like me, she’ll want something useful.  Ask yourself this question:  can she wear it, eat it, drink it, cook with it, watch it, listen to it….etc?  If the answer is “yes” then that’s pretty sweet.  If the answer is “no” then that means that you were about to buy her some piece of nick-knack trash.  That’s not good.

I’ve compiled a list of sites for holiday ideas.  Why?  Because I’m bored and I had to blog about something.  So here it is: 

LGBT Christmas cards: My favorite is the “Don We Now Our Gay Apparel.” http://www.gay-christmas-cards.com/

Gift ideas:

Here’s a site that sells lesbian focused tee-shirts.  I really love all of them.  These shirts are sexy and/or political and really cute.

http://www.dyketees.com/

This company sells some gay and lesbian greeting cards, candle holders, and jewelry. Overall I’m not really feeling their products.  Maybe you will though, so check it out anyway.  http://www.zingthings.com/index.html

This next site is chock full of lesbian gift ideas.  http://www.lesbiatopia.com/2008/12/lesbian-gift-ideas-for-holiday-season.html

Here are some gifts for gay men.  Question:  Do gay men really like electronics more than lesbians?

http://gaylife.about.com/od/entertainment/tp/gayholidaygifts.htm

Holiday Events:

Boston Gay Men’s Chorus is a great date night idea. http://upcoming.yahoo.com/event/1372639/

Not necessarily “gay” events, but here is a list of a ton of holiday related goings-on in Boston.

http://www.thebostonchannel.com/holidays/3810813/detail.html

My own lesbian gift ideas:

1.  Surprise her with tickets to a concert that she’s been wanting to see.  Concert tickets are almost always an awesome gift.  Just make sure that she doesn’t have other plans for that night because that could start a fight and that’s not very Christmasy.

2.  Clothes are always good as long as you are positive that you know what she likes.

3.  Make an album/scrap book of your times together—photos, movie stubs, old cards and letters.  Yes, this is a time consuming project, but it comes from the heart and I guarantee that she will be impressed and perhaps even moved to tears.  I had a couple of friends who did this for me and it was one of the most thoughtful gifts that I’d ever received.

4.  Knit her something.  Knitting is a labor of love.

5.  Clean her living space and treat her to a relaxing bath with her favorite smelling bath oils, salts, soaps, and incense.  Then make (or buy) her favorite foods for dinner.  She doesn’t have to do anything because it’s all taken care of. 

I would advise against buying every lesbian you know seasons of The L Word.  Chances are she already has all of them, or she hates the show.  Plus, that’s not really a creative gift at all.

Lastly,  the holiday season is a great time to do some volunteer work.  There are tons of people out there that don’t have family around for the holidays, are in bad situations, or could just use a pick-me-up during this difficult time.  There are so many agencies that would love to have volunteers:  soup kitchens, homeless shelters, nursing homes, and hospitals.  Doing a volunteer project with your significant other will only make you closer.

Here’s a Team Gina video for you!

I don’t claim to know everything about feminism or bisexuality.  I only know what is true for me through my experiences.  I’m offering this disclaimer because I write this article not to generalize, but to inform about my personal experience with feminism and bisexuality.

The butch/femme dichotomy has always bothered me.  I think originally it was a way of passing as a heterosexual couple for some and for others it was lack of gay role models (people only had straight models for relationships, therefore, mimicked what they saw). I have no problem with the way that people identify themselves, but I do have a problem with people trying to lump me into a category.  I do not identify as butch or femme and I’m not sure if I even would attempt to classify myself this way(if I embodied the stereotypical characteristics of either) because I am bisexual and not a lesbian.  I have been called a femme and I’ve been called a “tomboy” by other LGBT peeps.  Aside from the stereotypes, the butch/femme dichotomy tends to support traditional gender roles.  Butch’s do the “man” jobs and femme’s do the “woman” jobs.  To each her own, but that’s not for me.  Butch/femme labels also indicate (to the straight world) that the male and female characteristics must be present in a relationship.  I disagree.  Being bisexual, if I wanted to date men, I would.  The problem that I have with “butch” and “femme” is not an issue with the gay community, but with the straight community making assumptions about our need for a “male” counterpart.  I’ve even had people ask who was the “man” in my current same- sex relationship.  That’s hella annoying!  Of course there is no “man” or need for one.

Another bisexual feminist issue, for me, is how the dynamic changes depending on whether I am dating a man or a woman.  When I’m dating men, I will go to great lengths to do traditionally “male” jobs that I hate because I WILL not let a man do these jobs for me.  Just because I hate them and don’t want to do them does not indicate that I am not capable of completing these tasks.   However, I tend to make my current girlfriend do these tasks simply because I do not want to do them.

Most of the men that I’ve dated have been bisexual and/or effeminate.  My girlfriend hates the “butch/femme” dichotomy as well and does not identify or fit the image of either stereotype.

For I long time, I felt as though my bisexuality was getting in the way of my feminism.  I thought things would be so much better if I were just a lesbian.  I’m not saying that all lesbians are feminists.  I am saying that for me, it made sense.  BUT…I’m not one to fake it and I can’t help it–I’ve always been bisexual and I always will be.

Please respond with your opinions on this topic.  I always welcome different perspectives and opinions.  I genuinely want to know what other people feel about these topics that I write about.  So leave some comments!  Get a discussion going!

Why didn’t Jenny do herself in during her psychotic cutting spree?

Why did Dana have to die?

Why didn’t Shane marry Carmen?

Why did Tina end up with a job kissing Jenny’s ass?

Why didn’t we see more of Max?

Why did Marina’s accent make me want gouge my eyes out?

So “The L Word” has been a major break through for the lesbian and bisexual community.  We finally saw ourselves represented, well sort of, except that we are not all beautiful, thin, fashionable, and rich.  It is still television, after all.  The plot was even realistic until the last couple of seasons when it just got out of control and ridiculous.

“The L Word” was the first television show to have a transgendered character.  That’s huge!  I just wish that we could’ve seen more of Max in the last season.  I was also kind of surprised at Kit’s response to Max’s decision to get his breasts removed.  She said that he shouldn’t get his breasts removed because that was the best part of him and she asked why he couldn’t just live as a butch dyke.  I always saw Kit as the most open-minded and free-spirited character except in this instance.  Disappointing…

“The L Word” gave us a glimpse into the worlds of many different types of characters.  We saw alcoholism, breast cancer, deafness, bisexuality, gender identity, gay parenting, artists, athletes, prostitutes, and addiction in a new, gayer, light.

I’m glad that we are approaching the last season though because the storyline has gotten so ridiculous.  It was great while it lasted, but it’s definitely time to move on to the next media break through…..bringing normalcy to the LGBT lifestyle.

I must worn you.  There is an “L Word” rip off out there called “Exes and Ohs.”  It’s REALLY awful.  Check it out for yourself, but I’m sure you will agree with me.  It sucks.

First of all, production company, Truth Serum, is a great place to start.  http://www.truthserum.org  Operated by the talented, Aliza Shapiro, Truth Serum is the best resource for looking for LGBT concerts, movies, and events.  I suggest that you sign up for the email newsletter and automatically get updates.

Bars and Restaurants:

1.  Club Cafe Lounge-

209 Columbus Avenue, Boston MA 02116. 617-536-0966

http://www.clubcafe.com/

2.  Fritz-a popular, predominately male, sports bar. 

http://www.fritzboston.com

3.  Ramrod Leather Bar

4.  Machine Night Club

5.  Boston Eagle-

520 Tremont St.

617-542-4494

6.  Dyke night the 4th Friday of every month at the Milky Way Lounge and Lanes in Jamiaca Plain.  This place is great, candle pin bowling, pool, music…etc.

http://www.dykenight.com/

7.  Queeraoke every Thursday night at Midway Cafe in Jamaica Plain.

http://www.midwaycafe.com/

8. Diesel Cafe in Somerville is an LGBT owned and operated coffee shop/diner. 

Resources (Found out where things are happening):

http://www.baywindows.com/ Boston’s LGBT newspaper

http://boston.about.com/od/glbt/a/GLBTgroups.htm Go here for a list of LGBT groups.

http://www.boston-online.com/Gay/ Boston online Gay and Lesbian page

http://www.gendercrash.com/community.shtml A safe space for ALL LGBT.  Check out their calendar for a list of events.

http://www.bagly.org/network/ Boston Alliance of Gay and Lesbian Youth  They host tons of events for teens, including an LGBT prom.

http://www.historyproject.org/about/about.php  This group seeks to preserve LGBT history in Boston.

http://www.bostonpride.org/ You can register to be a part of the parade, volunteer, or just get general events information.

So basically, there are tons of LGBT happenings all the time in Boston.  I haven’t had much time to check out many of the venues that I listed due to poverty and lack of free time.  I would love to hear your feedback (as always) on any of these bars, restaurants, or organizations. 

If you have a GLBT or feminist issue that you’d like me to blog about go ahead and leave a comment requesting it.  Thanks.

I’ve seen The Vagina Monologues in Pittsburgh, State College, PA, and San Antonio, TX.  I’ve also read the play. 

As a society, we’ve been taught that our vaginas are dirty, smelly, perverse places.  The Vagina Monologuesis a celebration of our bodies.  The monologues are generally performed on college campuses in recognition of Vday (a day dedicated to stopping violence against women).

Writer, Eve Ensler, traveled the country, collecting testamonials from women about, what else, their vaginas.  Women shared their biggest secrets, fears, and happinesses with her.  Thus, spawned the Monologues in 2001.

One woman shares a humorous account of society being against vagina’s via tampons, douches, and “cold duck lips” at the OBGYN.  Another woman frees herself of being politically correct and being unable to talk about her vagina by shouting the word “cunt” and asking the audience to do so as well. 

The Monologues has now been published and translated into over 24 different languages.  It is a cultural phenomenon.  Women want to talk about their vagina’s, openly, and without shame.  Ensler believes that a woman’s power is closely linked with her sexuality.

My experience as an audience member of the Monologues was very spiritual.  I laughed when older ladies described their vaginas as “down there.”  I cried when young girls were sexually assaulted and applauded when they came of age not blaming themselves, able to be sexual beings.  I highly recommend that you read and/or view the play.  Here is the official website for more info on Eve Ensler and how she started the vagina revolution:  http://www.randomhouse.com/features/ensler/vm/

Here’s the official Vday site:  http://newsite.vday.org/

To find out when the Monologues is coming to your city and buy tickets, go here: http://www.ticketmaster.com/artist/804437/

I am a 27 year old, bisexual woman.  I live with my girlfriend, Sally, of nearly 3 years.  We met through a mutual friend in the south in January 2006 and moved to the east coast together in January 2007.

If soul mates exist, she is mine.  For the past 3 years, she has been my biggest supporter, my voice of reason.  She has comforted and carried me through many difficult times.  When finances permit, we fully intend on getting married.

I’ve been very fortunate to have a loving and supportive family who respects my relationship and wants me to be happy.

Proposition 8 is discrimination and it hurts me.  I love my girlfriend more than I’ve ever loved anyone.  We’ve had ups and downs, moved across the country together, been impoverished, shared finances, discussed marriage and children.  We are the same as any couple.  I would be devastated if anything ever happened to her, especially if I were not permitted to see her in the hospital or get an update of how she was progressing.  Most straight couples take this basic right for granted.  Take a moment and think of it’s importance. 

On that note, I will close by letting you bigots know that if you choose to dehumanize me and my LGBT brothers and sisters by not granting us the basic fundamental right of marrying the people that we love, there is no place for you in my world.  I don’t respect you because you don’t respect me.  You believe that my love isn’t good enough.  And I believe that you have no capacity for compassion or love in your cold, dead, heart.

On Saturday, November 15th, I participated in a nation wide rally in opposition to  the recent ban on gay marriage in California (Proposition 8).  The wonderful organization responsible for the rally is called “The Impact” and here is their website.  http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/

Because many people are not aware of what the legal implications of gay marriage actually are, I thought I would break it down for you-Layman’s terms.  Here we go:

Straight, married, couples have these basic rights:

TAX RIGHTS

1.  Ability to file joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities.

2.  Creating a “family partnership” under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members.

3.  Inheriting a share of your spouse’s estate.

4.  Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse.

ESTATE PLANNING BENEFITS

5.  Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts.

GOVERNMENT BENEFITS

6.  Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses.

7.  Receiving veterans’ and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans.

8.  Receiving public assistance benefits.

EMPLOYMENT BENEFITS

9.  Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse’s employer.

10.  Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness.

11.  Receiving wages, worker’s compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse.

12.  Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse’s close relatives dies.

MEDICAL BENEFITS

13.  Visiting your spouse in an intensive care unit or during restricted business hours in other parts of a medical facility.

14.  Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment.

DEATH BENEFITS

15.   Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures.

16.  Making burial or other financial arrangements.

FAMILY BENEFITS

17.  Filing for step-parent or joint adoption.

18.  Applying for joint foster care rights.

19.  Receiving equitable division of property if your divorce.

20.  Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce.

HOUSING BENEFITS

21.  Living in neighborhoods “zoned” for families only.

22.  Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse.

CONSUMER BENEFITS

23.  Receiving family rates for health, auto, homeowners’, and other types of insurance.

24.  Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities.

25.  Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families.

OTHER LEGAL BENEFITS AND PROTECTIONS

26.  Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and lose of consortium (loss of intimacy).

27.  Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws only apply in a few states).

28.  Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can’t force you to disclose the contents of confidential conversations between you and your spouse.

29.  Receiving crime victims’ recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime.

30.  Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for non-citizen spouse.

31.  Visiting rights in jail or other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family.

These or just a few of the legal rights that straight couples have in the United States.  Gay couples that are legally married in Massachusetts DO NOT have all of these rights.  The state of Massachusetts legally recognizes their marriage, but the federal government does not.  That means that they cannot file a joint federal income tax return and they cannot get Social Security benefits for their spouse or any other federal benefit for that matter.   Same sex couples married in states that allow “civil unions” reap even fewer benefits.

I strongly encourage all of you to find out who your legislators are and tell them that you want gay marriage to be legal.  Under the constitution, all men and women are created equal.  All of us deserve to marry whomever we choose!

Let’s say that you are not LGBT and you do not know anyone that is.  The law doesn’t directly affect you, so you don’t care.  I challenge you to put yourself into the shoes of an LGBT couple.  If you are married, think of your spouse.  Imagine what it would be like if he or she was seriously injured and you were not permitted to see him or her in the hospital.  Or how about if he or she was the main bread-winner in your home and was killed in an accident, leaving you with no money and no SS benefits.  Or suppose that the house and property were in your deceased partner’s name and you lost everything!  This is serious and important!  Support love!

So you are getting sick of not seeing a lot of LGBT representation in the media–here is a list that I’ve compiled to keep you busy for while.  Note:  I’m only reviewing the ones that I’ve actually seen or read.

Movies:

1.  “But I’m a Cheerleader”  This is a humorous depiction of the ridiculous notion that gay people can be trained to be straight.

2.  “All Over Me” is a coming of age drama about best friends and homophobia.  It features a young, Leisha Haley and has an awesome soundtrack.

3.  “Bound”–Gina Gershon plays a plumber who has  a relationship with a mobster’s wife.

4.  “Kissing Jessica Stein” If you like romantic comedies, you might like this one.  I personally thought it was kind of lame, but I was happy to see a mainstream movie about lesbians.

5.  “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”  I highly recommend this one!  It’s controversial and  graphic.  It’s about a transgendered singer.

6.  “Short Bus” Comes to you from the makers of Hedwig.  It’s about an underground sex club—very graphic.

7.  “Prey for Rock N Roll” stars Gina Gershon, a 40 year old, bisexual, rocker, who contemplates where her life is going from here.  I’d list it as a drama.  It’s a very good movie.

8.  “Broke Back Mountain” made me snore.  Before I watched it, I had heard awesome reviews from my LGBT and straight friends.  I absolutely hated it.  I was so bored that it took me 3 sittings to get through it.

9.  “Transamerica” is a great movie about a MTF tranny who gets a call from her juvenile delinquent son.  He is expected a male dad to show up.  The shit hits the fan when she reveals to him that she is his dad.

10.  “Boys Don’t Cry” is about a FTM transsexual.  It’s based on the true story of Brandon Teena.  This is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen in terms of illustrating the bigotry and hatred that transgendered people face.

11.  “Loving Annabelle”

12.  “Latter Days”

13.  “D.E.B.S.”

14.  “Beautiful Thing”

15.  “Trick”

16.  “Tipping the Velvet”

17.  “Big Eden”

18.  “Get Real”

19.  “The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”

20.  “Angels in America”

21.  “When Night is Falling”

22.  “Fingersmiths” is a beautiful movie about 2 women that have been unknowingly interconnected since birth.  It’s a period film, with a clever twist.

23.  “When Night is Falling”

24.  “Torch Song Trilogy”

25.  “Desert Hearts”

26.  “Better Than Chocolate”

27.  “The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy”

28.  “Aimee & Jaguar”

29.  “Maurice”

30.  “Mambo Italiano”

31.  “Die Mommie Die”

32.  “Camp”

33.  “Saving Face”

34.  “The Birdcage”

35.  “Adam and Steve”

36.  “Edge of Seventeen”

37.  “The Sum of Us”

38.  “Fire”

39.  “The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love”

40.  “It’s My Party”

41.  “Soldier’s Girl”

42.  “Rocky Horror Picture Show”  If you haven’t seen this, you are seriously out of the loop and I order you to go buy/rent/watch this right now!!!!

43.  “Gia” is about famous, lesbian, model, Gia (played by Angelina Jolie). 

44.  “The Boys in the Band”

45.  “Philadelphia”

46.  “To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar”

47.  “High Art” is the story of 2 neighbors that end up falling for each other and then it turns heartbreaking—sex, drugs, and art.

48.  “Chutney Popcorn”

49.  “Ma Vie en Rose”

50.  “Jeffrey”

51.  “Heavenly Creatures”

52.  “Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss”

53.  “Gods and Monsters”

TV Shows:

1.  “The L-Word” is pretty much my favorite show in the world.  It’s the first mainstream television show to have a transgendered character; It represents women of color, white women, lesbians, bisexuals, straight women and men, deaf women, older women…etc; This is television though, so expect to see a bunch of stereotypically beautiful people and very few normal looking ones.  That would have to be the show’s only down fall.

2.  “Queer as Folk” is another show that I absolutely love. It takes place in Pittsburgh and follows the lives of several gay men and a lesbian couple they are friends with.  It’s not as diverse as the L-Word, but just as dramatic.  I’ve been renting these from the library to watch.

3.  “Will and Grace”is a sitcom about a straight woman and her gay friends.  It’s pretty funny, but not a favorite of mine.

4.  “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” is a show about 5 guys (the fab five) giving the lives of average-Joe straight guys a major makeover.  

5.  “Transgeneration” follows 4 transgendered, college, students throughout the school year.  It is excellent.  I highly recommend this show!  

6.  “Ellen”

7.  “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila” is a dating show, where bisexual, model, Tila, chooses the man or woman of her dreams.  Reality TV is, after all, a guilty pleasure of mine.

Magazines:

1.  “Curve” contains dating advice, DYI ideas, reviews of movies and music, interviews with celebrities, and other lesbian resources.

2.  “The Advocate”

Music:

1.  Scream Club–a favorite of mine…hip-hop/rap/electronic stuff….fun costumes, great live.

2.  Team Gina–another favorite…inspired by Scream Club…funny songs about being a lesbian and being from the 80’s.

3.  Le Tigre–yet another favorite–electronic with some punk vocals and lots dancing involved.

4.  The Men–jd and the chick (that isn’t Kathleen Hanna) from Le Tigre form a new band.  I haven’t heard them yet, but I’m way interested.

5.  Melissa Etheridge–snore

6.  k.d. Lang–snore

7.  The Murmurs–former band of Leisha Haley–cutesy alternative/pop

8.  Gush–another former band of Leisha Haley

9.  Uh Huh Her–current band of Leisha Haley

10.  The Butchies–love them, sort of punky/alternative/pop (it so damn hard to classify music)

11.  Melange Levone-She raps about issues like hate crimes, gay parenting, and domestic violence.  She’s very political and I’ve met her, she’s super nice in person.

12. Ani Defranco-popular bisexual, folk, artist.

13.  Tegan and Sarah–sweet music

14.  Linda Perry–former singer of alternative band, Four Non Blondes.  I haven’t actually heard her solo stuff.

15.  Pink-we all know Pink.

16.  Tracy Chapman-I’m not a huge fan of her stuff.  It’s bluesy and I have to be in a certain mood to be able to listen to it.

17.  Tribe 8–riot grrl sound…raw…good

18.  Athens Boys Choir-FTM tranny from Athens Georgia.  Using a laptop and a white movie screen, he raps about being from GA, being a tranny…etc.  He’s very funny and awesome live.

19.  Pet Shop Boys

20.  Sleater-Kinney–need no introduction.

21.  Green Day–yes, Billie Joe Armstrong IS bi.

22.  Sia-Listen to the song “Breathe me” and you will be hooked.

23.  Lesbians on Ecstasy

24.  Nicky Click–I like her stuff.  I saw her live with Scream Club and it was an awesome show.

25.  The Sounds

26.  The Gossip- Look them up right now!

27.  Indigo Girls-not into them, but I know a lot of people that are.

28.  Bessie Smith-old school blues

29.  The Moaners

30.  The Applicators

31.  The Cliks

32.  Joan Jett-equals my heart

33.  Boy George-duh

34.  Elton John-duh

35. Nirvana-Kurt Cobain identified as bisexual.

36.  Bikini Kill-an old favorite

37.  Betty Blowtorch

Okay, so these lists are VERY incomplete, but I just wanted to give you an idea of how many LGBT artists of all different venues are out there.  If you can think of more, please post as a comment.