Dec 08 2008
Bisexuality and Feminism
Here’s a Team Gina video for you!
I don’t claim to know everything about feminism or bisexuality. I only know what is true for me through my experiences. I’m offering this disclaimer because I write this article not to generalize, but to inform about my personal experience with feminism and bisexuality.
The butch/femme dichotomy has always bothered me. I think originally it was a way of passing as a heterosexual couple for some and for others it was lack of gay role models (people only had straight models for relationships, therefore, mimicked what they saw).
I have no problem with the way that people identify themselves, but I do have a problem with people trying to lump me into a category. I do not identify as butch or femme and I’m not sure if I even would attempt to classify myself this way(if I embodied the stereotypical characteristics of either) because I am bisexual and not a lesbian. I have been called a femme and I’ve been called a “tomboy” by other LGBT peeps. 
Aside from the stereotypes, the butch/femme dichotomy tends to support traditional gender roles. Butch’s do the “man” jobs and femme’s do the “woman” jobs. To each her own, but that’s not for me. Butch/femme labels also indicate (to the straight world) that the male and female characteristics must be present in a relationship. I disagree. Being bisexual, if I wanted to date men, I would. The problem that I have with “butch” and “femme” is not an issue with the gay community, but with the straight community making assumptions about our need for a “male” counterpart. I’ve even had people ask who was the “man” in my current same- sex relationship. That’s hella annoying! Of course there is no “man” or need for one.
Another bisexual feminist issue, for me, is how the dynamic changes depending on whether I am dating a man or a woman. 
When I’m dating men, I will go to great lengths to do traditionally “male” jobs that I hate because I WILL not let a man do these jobs for me. 
Just because I hate them and don’t want to do them does not indicate that I am not capable of completing these tasks. However, I tend to make my current girlfriend do these tasks simply because I do not want to do them.
Most of the men that I’ve dated have been bisexual and/or effeminate. My girlfriend hates the “butch/femme” dichotomy as well and does not identify or fit the image of either stereotype.
For I long time, I felt as though my bisexuality was getting in the way of my feminism. I thought things would be so much better if I were just a lesbian. I’m not saying that all lesbians are feminists. I am saying that for me, it made sense. BUT…I’m not one to fake it and I can’t help it–I’ve always been bisexual and I always will be.
Please respond with your opinions on this topic. I always welcome different perspectives and opinions. I genuinely want to know what other people feel about these topics that I write about. So leave some comments! Get a discussion going!
I see this post is kinda old, but I found it just today. Loved the video, will probably post to my facebook page.
I used to identify as a bisexual femme, but a few years ago came out as a queer femme. I’ve been involved with men, women, and transfolk. I didn’t feel “bisexual” captured transfolk fairly.
I haven’t come up with a reason behind butch/femme that makes sense to me, except that I do not believe it is intended to mirror traditional heterosexual roles. I’ve always been much more comfortable in a dress and makeup, although I attempted to pass as butch when I was younger because I thought being more masculine would give me more power. For me, this was not true. And I know from my own and others’ experience that butch women definitely experience more discrimination. On the other hand, some queer women discriminate against me for being feminine and many others simply don’t recognize me as queer because of my feminity. I hate passing. But that’s another topic.
There are so many aspects of your post I could respond to, but am not sure how to in a way that would flow or make sense. So I’ll just throw some random stuff out there.
Sometimes I’ve worked harder at looking more feminine for men I’ve dated (certainly straight men, not necessarily bi or poly ones). I think sometimes I presented myself based on the other person. If a straight man was particularly traditional in his approach to masculinity, I might have attempted to be more feminine. Nevertheless, I’ve never dumbed myself down or acted like I am capable of less than I am.
For me, butch/femme is first about my own gender identification, then how it relates to my sexual orientation. Then my sexual desire — I am deeply attracted to butch women. It took me a long time to realize that. But when I did — wowee! Some of the behaviors do mimic straight folk, but we know we’re not and never will be. It’s not about that. It more a groove or a vibe. We fit together.
I don’t believe all l/b/q/t women are butch or femme. Frankly, that’s silly. I’ve seen couples where one person identifies as butch or femme and the other neither, women who identify as neither or both. Whatever your truest expression of yourself is, do it. And if it changes, go with it. I also don’t believe everyone is static in relation to gender or sexuality. Some are, some aren’t. Who knows why. A lovely mystery.
i dont know why but im a girl that once dated a men,but i finally realize that im not having any desire to them ‘kind’ of species..im really into women who really act like a men,they’re more loving,understanding,caring,and much more.even though we’re doing sex,i will feel more comfort about my feeling towards them totally. plus i am worry for nothing to thinking about pregnancy,i am really sorry,i am totally not good in english plus i cant talk fluently,so..im so sorry for the much error in my writing..huhuhuhu