femifist

The online urban dictionary defines “cougar” as a woman in her 30’s or 40’s who seeks out younger men to date.  Interesting.  I’m all about everyone getting their jollies however they wish, but is there a term for older men that date younger women?

Men have been dating younger women FOREVER.  It’s about time that women who date younger men become socially accepted. 

When did this epidemic start?  Was it spawned from the MILF era?  (For those of you that don’t know, I’m referencing the movie “American Pie”.  MILF as in Mom I’d Like to Fuck).  Are “cougars” the result of an occult Demi Moore following?  Or perhaps women are just taking control of their lives and saying “Fuck you!  I’ll date who I please!”

I’m an advocate for EVERYONE’s happiness, not just through issues that actively effect me.  Here’s my opinion on cougars (quoting, the late singer, Aaliyah):  Age ain’t nothing but a number.

There are tons of websites that sell feminist-themed goods.  Shopping for your feminist will be a piece of cake.

http://www.stickersisters.com/shop.html I’ve ordered a poster and stickers from this site in the past.  They don’t have a lot of logo designs for shirts, but it is worth a look.

http://shop.cafepress.com/feminism This site has pages and pages of feminist gear.

https://store.feminist.org/  This is the Feminist Majority online store.  This store has everything….tea, pillowcases, T-shirts, books, children’s gear, calendars, sweatshirts, DVD’s, Cd’s, scarves, afghans, tool kits, tote bags, jewelry, and tons more.

http://girl-wonder.org/index.php  Girl Wonder is a collection of sites dedicated to female characters and creators of mainstream comics.

http://www.now.org/store/  This the National Organization of Women’s store.  It offers similar products to The Feminist Majority site mentioned above.

http://users.rcn.com/seajay.dnai/fbn/stores/stores.html  Here is a list of feminist booksellers in your area.

http://theliberalstore.com/bumperstickermagnet/peacevinylobamademocrat/TLS-WBW.html  I covered my mouth in horror over the Jesus ResErection light switch cover.  Woah.  I’m not really into poking fun at other people’s religions.  I tend to respect people more than that.  To each her own.  The site has some awesome feminist fridge magnets though.

If you are short on funds, but want to give her/him something with a political message, why not pick up a plan T-shirt at a thriftstore and design it yourself?  You could use fabric paint and stencils, print out an iron-on patch, or just hook it up with a sharpie marker.

• Women still earn less than men in many occupations.
• Women are still portrayed in a superficial manner in ads and on TV.
• What about sports?  How many female leagues are as successful as their male counterparts?  Note:  This bullet is especially important to me because I am a female athlete who plays a sport that some people do not even consider a sport.  P.S. if you are one of those people that doesn’t think that roller derby is a sport-Fuck you!
• Most governments are still composed primarily of men.
• Women are often not given the same responsibilities as men based on the fact that they might become pregnant.
• The number of sexual harassment suits has increased over the last decade.

As always, I urge you to leave comments and voice your opinions.  I’m very open to discussion on any topic that I blog about.

Somewhere in PA there was a woman who was piercing cats and selling them on ebay and in the local paper as “gothic kittens”.  The kittens had their ears, necks, and tails pierced.  The tail piercing, a submission ring, was intended to stop blood flow so that the tail would fall off.  To make matters worse, the perpetrator had a pet grooming business in her basement called “Pawside Parlor”.  It is hard to tell how many kittens and cats were abused at this residence.  The police removed 3 kittens and a cat from the home.

I love piercings as much as the next person, but piercing or tattooing an animal IS cruelty.  People voluntarily experience pain from piercings and tattoos, whereas, an animal  doesn’t have a choice.  It’s sick.

If you know someone that is piercing or tattooing animals, please call your local humane society.

1.  Finish compiling my poetry book and find a publisher.  This has been a dream of mine for many years and I’d like to finally put it into motion.

2.  Pick up my guitar again.  Since my mom’s death, 4 and 1/2 years ago, I have not been musically inclined.  Guitar was something that I was very passionate about, but my mom taught me how to play so it was bittersweet to retire my guitar.  I think that she would want me to play again.

3.  Continue to be alcohol free.  I quit drinking nearly 4 months ago.  I’m thinking clearly and good things have been happening as a result of my sobriety. 

4.  Become more dedicated to roller derby.  I’m just now caught up enough on bills that I can start moving derby up the ladder of my priorities.  I’m very thankful to be part of such an amazing sport.

5.  Volunteer more.

With everything coming together at the end of 2008, I’m very optimistic about the new year.  So tell me, what are your new year’s resolutions?

I recently discovered a television show called “30 Days”.  It is a reality show in which people, with strong opinions on a particular issue, spend 30 days with a host family that opposes their view.

Some of the topics:

A conservative, Christian, who believes that homosexuality is a sin, goes to live with a gay man in San Francisco to learn about gay culture.

A mother is concerned that her 19 year old daughter is drinking too much so she intends to teach her a lesson by going on a 30 day drinking binge.

A Christian from WV, who associates all Muslims with terrorism, is sent to live with an American-Muslim family to learn about the religion and culture.

A woman who opposes gay adoption is sent to live with a family consisting of 2 dads and 4 sons for 30 days.

I highly recommend this show.  Most individuals are descriminating against a particular group of people because they have never been exposed to that culture.  It’s very interesting to see how this experience changes their view points.

You can watch “30 Days” for free at http://www.hulu.com.  Just click on “TV Shows” and then type “30 Days” into the search box.

http://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/originals/30days/

I went to Dyke night at Machine in Boston, on Boyleston, last night.  I have to say, that really was not my scene.  The admission was decent,  only $8, but I bought a flat Diet Coke for $4!!!!  The staff was very friendly and entertaining.  The music was pretty terrible.  Remixes of lame pop songs and mainstream hip-hop and r & b.  As an added bonus, someone kept farting right next to me all night.  They have a coat check which I did not take advantage of because there was a very long line, but it’s pretty awesome that they have one.

I have to acknowledge though that my close friend had an awesome time.  I’ve never been a club girl and now that I don’t drink anymore, I’m REALLY not a club girl.  If you drink and like to dance to this type of music, you probably would like dyke night.

So it’s the holiday season again.  Are you wondering what to get your sweetie for Christmas?  If she’s anything like me, she’ll want something useful.  Ask yourself this question:  can she wear it, eat it, drink it, cook with it, watch it, listen to it….etc?  If the answer is “yes” then that’s pretty sweet.  If the answer is “no” then that means that you were about to buy her some piece of nick-knack trash.  That’s not good.

I’ve compiled a list of sites for holiday ideas.  Why?  Because I’m bored and I had to blog about something.  So here it is: 

LGBT Christmas cards: My favorite is the “Don We Now Our Gay Apparel.” http://www.gay-christmas-cards.com/

Gift ideas:

Here’s a site that sells lesbian focused tee-shirts.  I really love all of them.  These shirts are sexy and/or political and really cute.

http://www.dyketees.com/

This company sells some gay and lesbian greeting cards, candle holders, and jewelry. Overall I’m not really feeling their products.  Maybe you will though, so check it out anyway.  http://www.zingthings.com/index.html

This next site is chock full of lesbian gift ideas.  http://www.lesbiatopia.com/2008/12/lesbian-gift-ideas-for-holiday-season.html

Here are some gifts for gay men.  Question:  Do gay men really like electronics more than lesbians?

http://gaylife.about.com/od/entertainment/tp/gayholidaygifts.htm

Holiday Events:

Boston Gay Men’s Chorus is a great date night idea. http://upcoming.yahoo.com/event/1372639/

Not necessarily “gay” events, but here is a list of a ton of holiday related goings-on in Boston.

http://www.thebostonchannel.com/holidays/3810813/detail.html

My own lesbian gift ideas:

1.  Surprise her with tickets to a concert that she’s been wanting to see.  Concert tickets are almost always an awesome gift.  Just make sure that she doesn’t have other plans for that night because that could start a fight and that’s not very Christmasy.

2.  Clothes are always good as long as you are positive that you know what she likes.

3.  Make an album/scrap book of your times together—photos, movie stubs, old cards and letters.  Yes, this is a time consuming project, but it comes from the heart and I guarantee that she will be impressed and perhaps even moved to tears.  I had a couple of friends who did this for me and it was one of the most thoughtful gifts that I’d ever received.

4.  Knit her something.  Knitting is a labor of love.

5.  Clean her living space and treat her to a relaxing bath with her favorite smelling bath oils, salts, soaps, and incense.  Then make (or buy) her favorite foods for dinner.  She doesn’t have to do anything because it’s all taken care of. 

I would advise against buying every lesbian you know seasons of The L Word.  Chances are she already has all of them, or she hates the show.  Plus, that’s not really a creative gift at all.

Lastly,  the holiday season is a great time to do some volunteer work.  There are tons of people out there that don’t have family around for the holidays, are in bad situations, or could just use a pick-me-up during this difficult time.  There are so many agencies that would love to have volunteers:  soup kitchens, homeless shelters, nursing homes, and hospitals.  Doing a volunteer project with your significant other will only make you closer.

Here’s a Team Gina video for you!

I don’t claim to know everything about feminism or bisexuality.  I only know what is true for me through my experiences.  I’m offering this disclaimer because I write this article not to generalize, but to inform about my personal experience with feminism and bisexuality.

The butch/femme dichotomy has always bothered me.  I think originally it was a way of passing as a heterosexual couple for some and for others it was lack of gay role models (people only had straight models for relationships, therefore, mimicked what they saw). I have no problem with the way that people identify themselves, but I do have a problem with people trying to lump me into a category.  I do not identify as butch or femme and I’m not sure if I even would attempt to classify myself this way(if I embodied the stereotypical characteristics of either) because I am bisexual and not a lesbian.  I have been called a femme and I’ve been called a “tomboy” by other LGBT peeps.  Aside from the stereotypes, the butch/femme dichotomy tends to support traditional gender roles.  Butch’s do the “man” jobs and femme’s do the “woman” jobs.  To each her own, but that’s not for me.  Butch/femme labels also indicate (to the straight world) that the male and female characteristics must be present in a relationship.  I disagree.  Being bisexual, if I wanted to date men, I would.  The problem that I have with “butch” and “femme” is not an issue with the gay community, but with the straight community making assumptions about our need for a “male” counterpart.  I’ve even had people ask who was the “man” in my current same- sex relationship.  That’s hella annoying!  Of course there is no “man” or need for one.

Another bisexual feminist issue, for me, is how the dynamic changes depending on whether I am dating a man or a woman.  When I’m dating men, I will go to great lengths to do traditionally “male” jobs that I hate because I WILL not let a man do these jobs for me.  Just because I hate them and don’t want to do them does not indicate that I am not capable of completing these tasks.   However, I tend to make my current girlfriend do these tasks simply because I do not want to do them.

Most of the men that I’ve dated have been bisexual and/or effeminate.  My girlfriend hates the “butch/femme” dichotomy as well and does not identify or fit the image of either stereotype.

For I long time, I felt as though my bisexuality was getting in the way of my feminism.  I thought things would be so much better if I were just a lesbian.  I’m not saying that all lesbians are feminists.  I am saying that for me, it made sense.  BUT…I’m not one to fake it and I can’t help it–I’ve always been bisexual and I always will be.

Please respond with your opinions on this topic.  I always welcome different perspectives and opinions.  I genuinely want to know what other people feel about these topics that I write about.  So leave some comments!  Get a discussion going!

For those of you that don’t know, I’m a skater for Providence Roller Derby and we’re organizing a clothing drive for an organization called Sojourner House in Providence, RI.  http://www.providencerollerderby.com

Sojourner House is non-profit agency that offers services to victims of domestic violence.  They are also hosting an event for World Aids Day on December 19th where they will be using our clothing donations. http://www.sojournerri.org/sojourner/

In the past, Providence Roller Derby has raised several hundred dollars for breast cancer research and participated in Habitat for Humanity, and there are always charities at our events that we actively support.

I am not writing this to solicit donations from you as it would be impossible to obtain them.  This blog is about encouraging you to make a difference in your community as well.  The holidays are a hard time for some people and often trigger feelings of loss or depression.  Please go out and find at least one person’s day that your thoughtfulness can brighten.